One Less Thing

Pacing: An emerging way of life

The Cost of Crisis Mode

I have always taken pride with my own perseverance and determination. These words have driven me through crisis after crisis over the last 6 years (and more). I used to value hard things. I used to look for the meaning or growth that only comes through challenge. I believed that I could strategize or find my way through any problem.

Now, I am tired. I can see how the grit was glorified. It conveniently masked the adrenaline that has pulsed through my body. I can see how I have been stuck in a cycle of push-crash-push-crash for years — perhaps my whole life.

I can see how I ignored my body— my aches and pains— until they were screaming for attention. I can see how I bopped around to different health providers - often not able to follow through with their recommendations due to my divided attention, or worse, not being believed that these symptoms were real.

I was told it was “just anxiety.”

I needed to “just lose some weight.”

“Just exercise more.”

“Just take this pill.”

“Just sleep more.”

I could not be more angered by this costly 4-letter word.

Just.

If only they had been right. I wish they had been right. Instead, those quick fixes and clique answers have cost me years of worsening health. Often these tips are dangerous for a person with my energy-limiting conditions and can cause harm.

What I Know Now

I don’t need to just do one more thing.

I need to do one less thing.

About a year ago, I sought out formal testing and diagnosis for my neurodivergent brain. I never knew I was neurodivergent and had been undiagnosed my whole life until my mid-30’s. I can see this has been part of my life since my childhood. I can see how the increased responsibilities as a parent and working professional have frequently exceeded my capacity in recent years. Things that are tolerable for others take me a lot of time to recover from. This explains why I have often acted from a place of hyper-focus, adrenaline, and felt the obligatory need to mask or push to appear “normal.”

Meanwhile, I’ve been on a long search for answers for a number of chronic symptoms. In recent weeks, I completed my consultative medicine at Mayo Clinic. They confirmed diagnoses of Fibromyalgia (Chronic Pain) and POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome). I was also diagnosed with ME/CFS (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) for the first time. This trifecta is not uncommon, but can be very tricky to manage. I am learning to reckon with a body that has become increasingly disabled. I am learning a new rhythm for daily life with mobility aids, supports, and learning how to do activities of daily living differently (ADL’s).

As I learn more about my condition(s), there is a new word to my vocabulary — pacing. It comes from the ME/CFS and chronic illness community as an evidenced-based treatment for the condition.

Pacing means living within “energy envelope” or under your limits in a given day. Rather than pushing, it means pulling back. Rather than trying to get as much done as possible, it means deliberately using restraint. Pacing prevents PEM - Post-Exertional Malaise - the beast of this condition. PEM can happen anytime someone overexerts themselves physically, cognitively, or emotionally. The body becomes hypersensitive to exertion and so what seems like no big deal can feel like running a marathon for our bodies.

Pacing is fundamentally counter-cultural in the United States. It invites us into a slower way of being.

Less push.

Less rush.

Less pressure.

The strange thing is that when I listened to the last few years of my podcast or reviewed past journal entries, I realized I have been using language for years— as if I just knew what I needed all along. I even named my business, Everyday Enough. It was built on this idea of Enoughness. I valued sufficiency more than scarcity. I believed in worthiness that is independent of productivity. I knew intuitively there was wisdom in learning to live our days— each like a bead on a string. I knew learning to live our days was going to teach us to make something more meaningful and beautiful with our whole lives.

Who knows? We might just learn — our greatest triumph is not in what we can force; our deepest identity doesn’t come from doing more;

Our true success is actually in surrender.

I hope you will join me in this important work of learning to live within one’s limits. It’s not easy, but we are not alone. If you are suffering from an energy-limiting condition, I hope you will find support, practical strategy, and encouragement here. Regardless, you are welcome here.

The good news is that pacing is not just limited to those of us who depend on it. Pacing is a way for all of us to slow down, reflect more deeply, and live more intentionally. The concept of universal design presumes that all people can benefit from accommodations that make places and activities more accessible. Similarly, we all can benefit from learning pacing. Hopefully, it may make a more humane, compassionate, and gentler world for those of us who require it.

May a new way of life emerge within you

May you be filled with wonder and hope

Find rest and renewal

And know how deeply you matter. +

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